i don't like sucking hair
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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