Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
