Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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