have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
