He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
