is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
