Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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