I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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