I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
