Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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