i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
