I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
