why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
