Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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