You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
