You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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