Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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