Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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