believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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