if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
