Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My penis needs a shock collar
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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