oh god the rape fog is back!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think people are normalizing furries
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
