I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
