How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
