she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
