Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
