I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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