I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I FOUND THE LEGS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
