i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
