I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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