ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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