you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
