Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
