Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
