Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
