Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
