I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
two words...techno handjob
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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