At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
