Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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