Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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