Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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