He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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