I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
