You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You just made me feel so damn special
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
