I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
