I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
