just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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