I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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