She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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