wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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