You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
