How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
