they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize