im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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