The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize