Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
