In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
