remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
