You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
