She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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