i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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