Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
