so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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