Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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