Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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