kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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