oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
