yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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