Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
