Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
