I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize