Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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