I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
