your parents love me but you hate me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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