I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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