Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
