She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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