Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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